There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
