She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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