Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
