did you get engaged???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
