tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
