i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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