I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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