I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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