people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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