I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
