so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
