I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
