He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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