I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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