Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
