Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
