There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
