It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
