He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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