I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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