I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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