My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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