You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
