She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
