my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
