Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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