how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
