I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
