4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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