Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
