nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
