well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
