Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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