On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
