I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
