This is not my ceiling
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
