Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
