i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
