he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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