Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
