Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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