Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
