Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
