R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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