1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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