You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
