You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
