dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
