the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
