One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
